Oh look, Peanut gave me a blog post for my birthday
Peanut: Mom, should I give you your birthday card now? Me: You have a card for me? How nice. Do you want to wait until after school? Peanut: No. I’d rather give it to you now.
Peanut, the Buddhist
Peanut: There’s this kid in my class who’s always a total jerk to me, but I got even with him. D: How did you get even with him? Peanut: He was playing this really stupid game where you had to push each other off this rock and he just slipped and fell off. D: So, [...]
This is the part where I lecture you just like your mother
Age 15. Nine hours on the beach in Ludington. No sunscreen. I cry all night long, miss work for two days, then finally go back on day three with my skin peeling off in two inch strips. Which is awesome since I work in a restaurant. Age 16. I discover the tanning booth. A love [...]
People, how many times do we need to go over this?
I look cute. Stylish even. In my cuffed up skinny jeans & blousy white top with strappy black platforms. On the PATH train, minding my own business, engrossed in The Hunger Games. The man sitting, facing me: Excuse me. Would you like my seat? Do you need to sit down? Me, smiling, thinking he’s so [...]
Keeping in mind he weighs 65 lbs
Peanut: I bet I can carry you. Me: Oh yeah? Peanut: I’m gonna try. (putting arms around me). Ooh, yeah. I definitely can’t pick you up. It’s basically like me trying to lift a ton of bricks. Me: Huh. Peanut: Yeah. You’re like five times my size. Forget about that.
Hurricane Irene Did a Number on the Catskills
You guys, do NOT tell my mother about the horrifyingly irresponsible and probably illegal things I did to get home today. Hurricane Irene was not kind to the Catskills region. It took about four hours, and multiple, multiple detours, but we did make it home safely. No helicopter rescues needed. Possibly a few [...]
Just how far will you people let me decline before there’s an intervention?
So, I still don’t fully understand the turn of events that caused this to occur, but somehow, it was decided spur-of-the-moment that my husband would drive our children to Michigan to visit their grandparents, and they would ALL STAY FOR A WEEK. In a different state. Where I am not. Like, all of them. Which [...]
I totally know how Yellow’s Barbies feel
Also, Red is my mom.
I’d settle for moderately clean
Me: You have ten minutes to clean your room before I come in there with a garbage bag. Peanut: No. I’m not doing it. Me: That’s fine. You don’t have to pick anything up. I’ll take care of it with my garbage bag. Peanut: Mo-o-om! I can’t. It’s too much. Me: It’s not too much. [...]
If only grown-ups could get away with this
Playdate: I hardly ever whine any more. Peanut: Dude. You’re still pretty whiney. Playdate: Not really. Peanut: Mmm…no. You still do whine a lot. Playdate: I’d say I only whine like 15% of the time. Peanut: Come on, dude. You whine a lot. Like, at least 35% of the time.
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