Three Dreams, Realized
You know that thing I do where I’m always over-sharing on the internet? So, it turns out that for as much as I tell you guys, there’s a lot that I keep to myself. For example, if we’re not friends on Facebook, then I failed to tell you that 18 months ago, we bought a [...]
Happy Mother’s Day, Fatty
This morning… Hen: Mom, we’re going to ride horses for Mother’s Day. Me: Did you just ruin a surprise? Hen: I dunno. This afternoon, in the car with all the boys… Me: Hey Hen, what did you say we’re doing for Mother’s Day? Hen: What? I dunno? Peanut: What did he say? Me: Hen, [...]
Slim
Last night, laying in bed…. Hen: Mom. You’re fat. Me: I’m fat? Hen: You have a fat tummy. Me: Huh. Are you fat? Hen: No. Me: Is Daddy fat? Hen: No. Me: Is Moon fat? Hen: No. Me: Is Peanut fat? Hen: Yes. Me: So it’s just Peanut and me in the fat club, huh? [...]
50 Shades of WTF
Given the astonishing success of E.L. James’ “Fifty Shades” trilogy, I’ve decided to scrap any dreams I ever had of writing an original story, and instead, to foray into the newly lucrative “Fanfic” genre. For my first attempt, I’m going to write something painfully derivative using the characters, plot line and language from “50 Shades [...]
Romance – 14 Years Later
Me: Are you going to pick up Peanut? Dave: I thought you were going to pick up Peanut. Me: No. you can……I’m hungry. Dave: Make dinner. Me: Ha. You have a long ear hair. Right there. Ooh, and right there. And there. Dave: Huh. Me: Can I pluck it? With my tweezers. Dave: So, you [...]
There goes the college fund
Peanut: When I grow up, I’m going to have carpet in my garage. Me: A carpeted garage? Peanut: Yes. I’m going to be that fancy. Me: Wow. That is fancy. Peanut: I’m going to have a huge mansion. Me: Oh yeah? How are you going to make all that money? Peanut: Gambling.
Oh look, Peanut gave me a blog post for my birthday
Peanut: Mom, should I give you your birthday card now? Me: You have a card for me? How nice. Do you want to wait until after school? Peanut: No. I’d rather give it to you now.
Peanut, the Buddhist
Peanut: There’s this kid in my class who’s always a total jerk to me, but I got even with him. D: How did you get even with him? Peanut: He was playing this really stupid game where you had to push each other off this rock and he just slipped and fell off. D: So, [...]
This is the part where I lecture you just like your mother
Age 15. Nine hours on the beach in Ludington. No sunscreen. I cry all night long, miss work for two days, then finally go back on day three with my skin peeling off in two inch strips. Which is awesome since I work in a restaurant. Age 16. I discover the tanning booth. A love [...]
People, how many times do we need to go over this?
I look cute. Stylish even. In my cuffed up skinny jeans & blousy white top with strappy black platforms. On the PATH train, minding my own business, engrossed in The Hunger Games. The man sitting, facing me: Excuse me. Would you like my seat? Do you need to sit down? Me, smiling, thinking he’s so [...]
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