Oh look, Peanut gave me a blog post for my birthday
Peanut: Mom, should I give you your birthday card now? Me: You have a card for me? How nice. Do you want to wait until after school? Peanut: No. I’d rather give it to you now.
I totally know how Yellow’s Barbies feel
Also, Red is my mom.
Poor baby
Henny: Mom, I huwt my feelings. Me: You, hurt your feelings? Henny: Yes. I scwaped them at the gym. Me: You scraped your feelings? Henny: Yes. I need ice.
Excuse me, asshole
Moon: I mean, you can live without shelter. Peanut: If you’re a hobo. Moon: You don’t have to have a home. Peanut: Hobos drink their urine. Moon: That’s disgusting. Peanut: They drink their own fluids. That they make. Moon: Ew. Henny: Move it, asshole! D: HENNY! Henny: I just say “excuse me, asshole.”
Oh, unh-unh
The doorbell rings, I am not dressed, and Peanut yells, “Mom, there’s someone here. It looks like K.” “Well, open the door” I yell back, throwing a shirt on over my jeans. Hair wet and crazy, I bounce down the stairs to see the source of our unexpected visit. ”Hey K., what’s up?” K., [...]
Next time I’m buying Sex and the City Band-Aids. Nobody will want those…
Henny: Mommy! We hab Dora band-aids. Me: Yes we do. Henny: Can I hab one? Me: You don’t need one. Henny: Yes I do. Me: No. Don’t waste the band-aids. Henny: Can I hab one for my boo-boo? Me: You don’t have a boo-boo. Put those away. Henny: Oh Mommy, you see dat? Me: See [...]
About twenty minutes. Only slightly condensed.
There are approximately seven hours between picking the boys up from school and them passing out at night. This represents about twenty minutes. I’m not great at math, but I think that equates to this basic series of events occurring 21 times, every….fucking….day…. Peanut: Mom. They keep saying the “s” word.Me, in the kitchen making [...]
P-Eu Strikes again
I have this “friend.” She is European. That probably has nothing to do with anything, but people have tried to assure me that she’s not really rude, she’s just “European” and somehow therefore has different standards for what makes one an asshole. I’ve written about my friend, the Pushy-European (P-Eu) before. We have an almost [...]
Guess who ended up with pancakes…
Henny: Mommy, I hab pancakes?Me: No sweetie. I’m making waffles.Henny: Okay. I hab pancakes.Me: I’m not making pancakes. I’m making waffles.Henny: No waffles. You make a pancakes.Me: No pancakes. Waffles.Henny: Okay. Yes. You make pancakes.
He’s got the fever
Moon: My throat was scratchy all day and now my stomach hurts. Me, touching forehead: Well, you don’t have a fever, so that’s good. Henny: I hab a Biebah. Me: You have a…Bieber? Henny: Yes. I hab a Biebah. Me: You have a Bieber Fever? Henny: Yes. I hab Biebah Febah.
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