Oh look, Peanut gave me a blog post for my birthday
Peanut: Mom, should I give you your birthday card now? Me: You have a card for me? How nice. Do you want to wait until after school? Peanut: No. I’d rather give it to you now.
Brotherly love
Moon: What? Why did they get popsicles? Peanut: Popsicle day at school. Moon: That’s not fair. Peanut: Why? We got you one, too. Moon: Where is it? Peanut: In your FACE.
Excuse me, asshole
Moon: I mean, you can live without shelter. Peanut: If you’re a hobo. Moon: You don’t have to have a home. Peanut: Hobos drink their urine. Moon: That’s disgusting. Peanut: They drink their own fluids. That they make. Moon: Ew. Henny: Move it, asshole! D: HENNY! Henny: I just say “excuse me, asshole.”
Oh, unh-unh
The doorbell rings, I am not dressed, and Peanut yells, “Mom, there’s someone here. It looks like K.” “Well, open the door” I yell back, throwing a shirt on over my jeans. Hair wet and crazy, I bounce down the stairs to see the source of our unexpected visit. ”Hey K., what’s up?” K., [...]
Well, that was really crappy of Moon? and the llama?
Peanut, apropos of absolutely nothing: And then, he was done with what he was doing and he said he was going to do it and HE DIDN’T!Me: Wha, huh?Peanut: The llama.Me: The, llama?Peanut: Yes! Exactly. And he didn’t.Me: Could you possibly stop and explain to me exactly what the hell you are talking about?Peanut: The [...]
About twenty minutes. Only slightly condensed.
There are approximately seven hours between picking the boys up from school and them passing out at night. This represents about twenty minutes. I’m not great at math, but I think that equates to this basic series of events occurring 21 times, every….fucking….day…. Peanut: Mom. They keep saying the “s” word.Me, in the kitchen making [...]
He’s got the fever
Moon: My throat was scratchy all day and now my stomach hurts. Me, touching forehead: Well, you don’t have a fever, so that’s good. Henny: I hab a Biebah. Me: You have a…Bieber? Henny: Yes. I hab a Biebah. Me: You have a Bieber Fever? Henny: Yes. I hab Biebah Febah.
Oh, sorry
Laying in bed at night with Henny:Henny: Da-ee has penis?Me, shaking head yes.Henny: Peanut has penis?Me, shaking head yes.Henny: Moon has penis?Me, shaking head yes.Henny: Mahwee has tail?Me, shaking head yes.Henny: Mommy has penis?Me, shaking head no.Henny: Mommy has boob?Me, shaking head yes.Henny: Da-ee has penis?Me, shaking head yes.Henny: Mahwee has tail?Me, shaking head yes.Henny: [...]
Really? Dad and I just call that "Tuesday"
Moon: Can I have a sleepover this weekend?Me: No. But you can have one in two weeks.Moon: Ok. Because I haven’t had a sleepover since summer.Me: That’s not true.Moon: Well, I’ve had K over twice, but I mean, I haven’t had a GOOD sleepover. Where I go to someone else’s house.Me: So, you’re saying it’s [...]
I didn’t feenk so
Henny (aka Toddler ): I see San-a!Me: Ooh, I see Santa, too. Hi Santa!Henny: Hi San-a! San-a gon bing Henny a pesent.Me: Santa is going to bring Henny a present because Henny is such a good boy.Henny: Ess. Henny good boy.Me: Is Santa going to bring Moon a present?Henny: Ess.Me: Is Santa going to bring [...]
-
Latest tweets
I’m also here:
