What? Puerto Ricans can’t just buy them at the pharmacy like the rest of us?
Sign outside of store in Isla Verde, Puerto Rico: Peanut: Mom, what’s Condom World?Me: A store.Peanut: What do they sell?Me: Stuff you don’t need to know about.Peanut: Like what?Me: Just stuff.Peanut: Tell me, Mom. What is it? What do they sell?Me: Umm….underwear.Peanut: No they don’t. What do they sell at Condom World.D: Condoms. They sell [...]
So, when do they start liking girls? Because I don’t know how much longer I can take the B.O.
Me: What is that smell? Something smells like poop in here.Moon: I dunno. I don’t really smell anything.Me: Come here. Let me smell you. When is the last time you showered?Moon: Last night.Me: You did not.Moon: I mean the night before that.Me: No you didn’t. We got home late and you went to bed.Moon: Well, [...]
The real question is, "Why is he peeing in the pool?"
Peanut: Mom will probably just tell us she’s having another baby for her April Fool’s joke.Me: That’s not even funny. Besides, we can’t have any more babies.Moon: Yeah. Remember? Dad had that ball surgery.Me: What does a ball surgery have to do with having babies?Moon: Remember, he just had a part taken out from his [...]
The "ee-er, ee-er"
Me, shoving a magazine article about teenage hormones toward D.: When you have a minute you really should read this. We need to be talking.D, panicked by hearing the words “We need to talk”: About us?Me, pointing to the title of the article: No. With Moon. It says we should have already talked to him [...]
I never knew Jesus was into S & M
By the third time we crossed paths in the Shoprite, I was convinced she was checking me out. She tried a few times to make eye contact and even gave a little smile. She had a son, too, but he was a few years older than mine. Probably home sick from school. In the canned [...]
Yeah, but he thinks that about everyone
Me: I’m tired. I had to get up early this morning to drive Grandma to the airport.Moon: She’s home now?Me: Yes. Are you going to miss her?Moon: Uh, yeah.Me: Really?Moon: Mmhmm.Me: You’re not glad she went home?Moon: No. Not at all.Me: You don’t think she’s mean?Moon: No. Peanut does.
The Tooth Fairy doesn’t take any crap
It was an eventful day in the Laugh, Mom household. I might even go so far as to say, Peanut’s dream day. Why? Well, for one thing, Moon had to shit in Saran Wrap. Due to some digestive issues, Moon went to see a GI specialist this week. The doctor gave him medication and ordered [...]
Now I’m Principal Vernon
The second we got home from school today, the boys raced to jump out of the car and run in to the house, in a desperate bid to get to the computer first. They’ve been fighting since this morning about who would get to use my laptop to play Roblox after school today. I was [...]
Somebody’s getting coal in his stocking
Moon: Mom, I kind of don’t believe in the tooth fairy.Me: Why not?Moon: I dunno. I just don’t.Me: What about Santa? And the Easter Bunny?Moon: I dunno.Me: You don’t know if you believe in Santa Claus? He only brings presents to kids who believe in him.Moon: I think the Santa thing is really pretty ridiculous.Me: [...]
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