Oh look, Peanut gave me a blog post for my birthday
Peanut: Mom, should I give you your birthday card now? Me: You have a card for me? How nice. Do you want to wait until after school? Peanut: No. I’d rather give it to you now.
Peanut, the Buddhist
Peanut: There’s this kid in my class who’s always a total jerk to me, but I got even with him. D: How did you get even with him? Peanut: He was playing this really stupid game where you had to push each other off this rock and he just slipped and fell off. D: So, [...]
Keeping in mind he weighs 65 lbs
Peanut: I bet I can carry you. Me: Oh yeah? Peanut: I’m gonna try. (putting arms around me). Ooh, yeah. I definitely can’t pick you up. It’s basically like me trying to lift a ton of bricks. Me: Huh. Peanut: Yeah. You’re like five times my size. Forget about that.
I’d settle for moderately clean
Me: You have ten minutes to clean your room before I come in there with a garbage bag. Peanut: No. I’m not doing it. Me: That’s fine. You don’t have to pick anything up. I’ll take care of it with my garbage bag. Peanut: Mo-o-om! I can’t. It’s too much. Me: It’s not too much. [...]
If only grown-ups could get away with this
Playdate: I hardly ever whine any more. Peanut: Dude. You’re still pretty whiney. Playdate: Not really. Peanut: Mmm…no. You still do whine a lot. Playdate: I’d say I only whine like 15% of the time. Peanut: Come on, dude. You whine a lot. Like, at least 35% of the time.
Brotherly love
Moon: What? Why did they get popsicles? Peanut: Popsicle day at school. Moon: That’s not fair. Peanut: Why? We got you one, too. Moon: Where is it? Peanut: In your FACE.
Excuse me, asshole
Moon: I mean, you can live without shelter. Peanut: If you’re a hobo. Moon: You don’t have to have a home. Peanut: Hobos drink their urine. Moon: That’s disgusting. Peanut: They drink their own fluids. That they make. Moon: Ew. Henny: Move it, asshole! D: HENNY! Henny: I just say “excuse me, asshole.”
Oh, unh-unh
The doorbell rings, I am not dressed, and Peanut yells, “Mom, there’s someone here. It looks like K.” “Well, open the door” I yell back, throwing a shirt on over my jeans. Hair wet and crazy, I bounce down the stairs to see the source of our unexpected visit. ”Hey K., what’s up?” K., [...]
Well, that was really crappy of Moon? and the llama?
Peanut, apropos of absolutely nothing: And then, he was done with what he was doing and he said he was going to do it and HE DIDN’T!Me: Wha, huh?Peanut: The llama.Me: The, llama?Peanut: Yes! Exactly. And he didn’t.Me: Could you possibly stop and explain to me exactly what the hell you are talking about?Peanut: The [...]
Things are better than they used to be
D. is gone for about eleven hours a day. Sometimes twelve or thirteen, but mostly eleven. He doesn’t travel all that much anymore. He used to be gone for two or three days every week, sometimes more. But now it averages less than two days a month. Things are better than they used to [...]
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