Poor baby
Henny: Mom, I huwt my feelings. Me: You, hurt your feelings? Henny: Yes. I scwaped them at the gym. Me: You scraped your feelings? Henny: Yes. I need ice.
Brotherly love
Moon: What? Why did they get popsicles? Peanut: Popsicle day at school. Moon: That’s not fair. Peanut: Why? We got you one, too. Moon: Where is it? Peanut: In your FACE.
Excuse me, asshole
Moon: I mean, you can live without shelter. Peanut: If you’re a hobo. Moon: You don’t have to have a home. Peanut: Hobos drink their urine. Moon: That’s disgusting. Peanut: They drink their own fluids. That they make. Moon: Ew. Henny: Move it, asshole! D: HENNY! Henny: I just say “excuse me, asshole.”
Why I’m “meh” about Federated Media’s DailyBuzz Moms
This is so not what my site is normally about, and I apologize in advance to my mom and my sixth grade teacher and my friends from high school and everybody else who comes here to read about the shenanigans and tomfoolery involved in raising three boys. I wouldn’t do this if it weren’t important, [...]
Oh, unh-unh
The doorbell rings, I am not dressed, and Peanut yells, “Mom, there’s someone here. It looks like K.” “Well, open the door” I yell back, throwing a shirt on over my jeans. Hair wet and crazy, I bounce down the stairs to see the source of our unexpected visit. ”Hey K., what’s up?” K., [...]
Well, that was really crappy of Moon? and the llama?
Peanut, apropos of absolutely nothing: And then, he was done with what he was doing and he said he was going to do it and HE DIDN’T!Me: Wha, huh?Peanut: The llama.Me: The, llama?Peanut: Yes! Exactly. And he didn’t.Me: Could you possibly stop and explain to me exactly what the hell you are talking about?Peanut: The [...]
Next time I’m buying Sex and the City Band-Aids. Nobody will want those…
Henny: Mommy! We hab Dora band-aids. Me: Yes we do. Henny: Can I hab one? Me: You don’t need one. Henny: Yes I do. Me: No. Don’t waste the band-aids. Henny: Can I hab one for my boo-boo? Me: You don’t have a boo-boo. Put those away. Henny: Oh Mommy, you see dat? Me: See [...]
Things are better than they used to be
D. is gone for about eleven hours a day. Sometimes twelve or thirteen, but mostly eleven. He doesn’t travel all that much anymore. He used to be gone for two or three days every week, sometimes more. But now it averages less than two days a month. Things are better than they used to [...]
About twenty minutes. Only slightly condensed.
There are approximately seven hours between picking the boys up from school and them passing out at night. This represents about twenty minutes. I’m not great at math, but I think that equates to this basic series of events occurring 21 times, every….fucking….day…. Peanut: Mom. They keep saying the “s” word.Me, in the kitchen making [...]
Haitians totally need Shrinky Dinks
True story: my therapist yawned today. It was somewhere in between telling her about my kid’s totally normal, average, uneventful birthday party and talking about how I STILL don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. Okay, maybe it wasn’t so much a yawn as a barely audible sigh, but I could [...]
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