I hate age 11
Me: Hey, I have an idea. How about we go to the barber shop this afternoon and you can all get haircuts.Moon: I don’t like my hair short.Me: I know. But you really need it cut.Moon: I don’t want it cut.Me: Even though you wrestle with it every morning in the bathroom?Moon: I just put [...]
I guess I’m glad there wasn’t a machete wielding psychopath at the front door
Peanut: MOM!Me: WHAT?!Peanut: MOM!Me: WHAT?!Peanut: MOM!Me: I’m in the shower! I can’t hear you!Peanut, increasing urgency: MOM!Me: What? Is someone here? Come up here! I can’t hear you! Are you okay?!Peanut: MOM!Me, getting out of shower, dripping, sticking soaking wet head out bathroom door: WHAT?!Peanut: Can we go to Target?Me: No.
No, not exactly the same
Pushing Peanut on the swing at the park. Me: Want me to do an underdog?Peanut: No.Me: Good. I’m too old for that. Grandma used to do underdogs when I was a kid. But to be fair, she was like, 21.Peanut: What did Grandma look like when she was 21?Me: Mmm…I dunno. I guess she had [...]
Shouldn’t that be on a shelf or in a drawer or something?
D: What is that on your neck?Peanut: It’s marker.Me: From two days ago.D: Come on. Go wash it off.Peanut: Won’t come off. It’s sharpie.Me: It will come off if you wash it a few times.Peanut: Fine. I’ll just wash it off with hand sanitizer.Me: You can’t wash it with……(pause, as the lightbulb goes off in [...]
Shake your love. I shake shake shake your love.
Me: Peanut, would you mind grabbing me a Monster Energy Drink from the basement fridge.Peanut: I guess.Me: Thanks. Peanut: Here you go.Me: Thank you very much. Peanut: Um, Mom. Monster Energy Drink isn’t a soda, is it?Me: Yes. It’s just a soda with a lot of caffeine so you can’t have it.Peanut: Right. But it’s [...]
Time to re-check his browser settings
Peanut: Hey Mom! When you click on a pop-up, it always takes you to a different site where it says you have to enter your ID.Me: Do NOT click on pop-ups.Peanut: I know. I didn’t. But, this kid in my class, he has a much older brother, and HE clicked on some pop-ups and it [...]
Do they make feline paternity tests?
Peanut: Hey Mom! I have something very surprising and exciting to tell you.Me: Ooh, what?Peanut: T’s cat had three kittens.Me: Oh, wow. They didn’t know the cat was going to have kittens?Peanut: Nope. They were just sitting on the couch one night watching TV and their cat started having kittens.Me: Oh my. That really is [...]
This is just getting out of hand
Debt collector on phone: Yes, I’m from Blank Collections Agency. Your husband’s corporate AmEx account has been placed with us for collections.Me: Yes, I know. He’s working on figuring out his reimbursements and trying to get paid for them.Debt collector: He is no longer with the company, correct?Me: Yes. That’s correct. He has a number [...]
Tossing the pigskin?
Me: What color is the guinea pig?Toddler: Socceh ball pig.Me: Yes! The pig looks like a soccer ball.Toddler: I keek socceh ball pig?Me: No, No! We don’t kick the pig!Toddler: I keek socceh ball pig.
High hopes…he’s got…high hopes….
Peanut: By the time the Toddler is my age, I’ll be fourteen.Me: No, you’ll be twelve.Moon: No, you’ll be eleven.Me: No, he’ll be twelve.Peanut: No, I’m seven right now, so….Me: Right. And the Toddler is two. You are five years apart. When he’s seven, you’ll be twelve.Moon: And by the time the Toddler turns seven, [...]
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